By: Gary Brodsky
Okay, here’s one that goes against all the instincts of the young dater. This is a trick that women have been using for years on men and believe me, not only does it work, but it is devastatingly effective. Fine. Glad to hear it, because what works for them will work for you.
Now, I’ll warn you right up front, this one is hard to go along with, especially when the blood in your veins is drumming in your head and making you sweat and all you can think about is getting some, but you’ve got to have some will power. It takes a strong hand to hold the leash in a relationship, but if you’re not the one holding it, you’re going to be the one at the other end, so buck it up and listen.
Here’s the scenario: you finally got that special girl’s phone number. Good for you. You’re on the way. Super. You’ve told your intended that you will call her that night, and you’ve even given her a time. Let’s say 9:00. The actual time or date or whatever that you said you would call doesn’t matter. What matters is not calling when you said you would. Let me repeat that—no matter what time you said you would call, you must then call later than that time. No matter how much you want to hear her voice again, no matter how badly you need just a few of her golden throated words in your ear to remind you of what a goddess she is, grow the f?ck up, take hold of your balls, and be a man.
If you said 9:00, then don’t call until 9:30, or 9:45. In that half an hour, forty-five minutes, whatever, she will begin to become frenzied over whether or not you’re actually going to call. She’s gone out on a limb, you see. She has made herself vulnerable. If you don’t call, she is diminished.
This is, of course, all in her own mind. But, then again, everything in the battle of the sexes is in our own minds. What you have to do is learn to interpret what the woman you want are actually thinking, and you will have the key to their chastity belts every single time. As the brilliant French novelist Alphonse Karr once said, “If men knew all that women think, they’d be twenty times more daring.”
And this is so true. Men grow up with a mistaken fear of women as mysterious creatures who know everything. It’s a simple mistake that comes from confusing their relationship with their mothers with everything else in the world that is born d??kless. When we’re two years old and we’re trying to get away with something, what a surprise that our mothers caught us in the act. Since adults are generally supposed to be smarter than babies, the baby is left with the impression that Mom is some kind of super genius. And, don’t think for a moment that Moms since the beginning of time haven’t done everything they can to make this illusion last for as many years as possible.
Of course, finally we realize that Mom is just a human being and that the reason she knew you were beating your brother’s head in or that you were the one who took the peanut butter pudding (or whatever stupid thing you were up to) is because she could hear your punches coming through the wall, or saw the kid-sized pudding-smeared handprints all over the refrigerator door.
In other words, we all learn in time that Mom is just human. But, most of us don’t realize that the aura of superiority that we granted to our mothers, we granted to all women. When we specifically take it away from Mom, we have no idea that subconsciously we are still extending it to every other female on the planet.
Anyway, let’s get back to the time trick. You say you’ll call at one time and you call later. During that extra time, you disrupt her feelings of superiority. Don’t forget, for years this chick has been winning battles because of most guy’s cultural respect for women which all comes from that fear of Mom’s invincibility. Once the guy comes along who doesn’t buy into it, suddenly their subconscious reliance on the deference other guys have been giving them works against them. Suddenly, as we said earlier, little miss superior is in a frenzy. Why isn’t he calling? He said 9:00? It’s past 9:30.
What did I do wrong? Didn’t I look good enough? Who does he think he is?
By not calling at the appointed moment you force her mind to make you larger than life. She is suddenly thinking about you, wondering why you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing, why you haven’t fallen in line and obeyed her orders. We all know that women love a bad boy.
What no one ever tells you is how little a showing of bad you have to make before you will catch a woman’s interest. In psychobabble terns it’s called using the tenants of balanced rejection and acceptance to create a state of relief and willingness. And, whatever you do, don’t worry about her anger. You’ll have your excuse all ready. You had to help your mother bring home her groceries and lost track of time.
Your boss held you up working overtime, those damn trains, traffic was a bear, that meeting with the Internet company you’re trying to get started ran long, blahblahblahfckingblah. No matter what you tell her, it’s all going to make you look better. In her mind, suddenly it’s; “Oh, he helps his mother, he works hard, even when he’s got troubles he gets straight to me, he’s a go-getter … and I was thinking badly of him. I’m terrible.”
This one trick alone probably won’t score you a hot oil rub and an offer to put her in silk and chains and to ride her like Trigger into the sunset, but then, no fight is ever won with just one punch. This prizefight is going to go a few rounds at least, but every blow that lands is one more strike that softens up her defenses and gets her reaching for that bottle of baby oil and the nearest warming pan.
Now, what if she says she’ll call you at a certain time? What do you do? Easy. You say “sure.” You make certain you’re home at the right time just in case she calls on time. Whatever time she calls, you take the call, then tell her you can’t talk and that you’ll have to call her back in twenty minutes.
Forty minutes later you call her back. If she called you late, your excuse is ready made, you were ready at the right time—where was she? If she called at the right time, however, then you just go back to giving her one of the excuses you have ready for when you call back late anyway. Remember, if you’ve got it all planned out you’re not going to be at a loss for words. Women are used to men answering things off the top of their heads. Men with planned responses confuse them terribly because usually they’ve never met such a creature.
Of course, you’re not going to be able to plan for everything they could possibly ask you. However, you had better sound as if you always know what you’re doing. Never let them slip you a curve. Women are like the most vicious of jungle beasts—they’ll sniff and prod and keep their claws in while they’re still off balance, but show the least weakness and they’ll strike with panther speed, feast on your heart and then laugh about it over sparkling water with their best homo boy friend and whoever else constitutes their personal posse.
This means, you’ve always got to have an answer. On the phone or in person, you can never show weakness. No sloppy pauses betraying indecision … in other words, no “eeehhhh,” or “I, I, I…” No “B-B-B-B-,” “Duh, duh, er, I, well…” or any other stuttering shit. This isn’t your nasty third grade teacher come back to test your resolve. This is just a woman. This is your prey. You’re the one on the prowl, remember?
Anyway, remember, keep that edge at all costs. To lose it is to invite attack. If she throws you a curve you can’t handle, tell the truth. “I’ll have to think about that one,” or “Now there’s a question no one would expect.” Learn to buy yourself some time so you can stay in the game.
Also: Don’t be a boob and never call when you say you will. The first time, yes—absolutely—don’t call on time. But the second time, sure, go ahead. Mix it up. Keep her off-balance and constantly guessing as to exactly what you’re all about.
The same applies to when she calls you. First time, knock her down a peg. The second time, sure, you’re there and glad to hear from a wonderful gal like her. Never be the same guy two times in a row. Don’t go Jeckle and Hyde on her, just maintain some mystery. Being predictable is another way of asking to be shown the way to the front door—before you’ve seen the bedroom.
Also: in the case of her calling you, there’s nothing that says you can’t just let the machine take her call, and then get back to her twenty minutes later. Anything that keeps them in the “doubt zone” is acceptable. This is what you’re after. You want them thinking about you. Why doesn’t he call? Didn’t he call? You want them checking their answering machine as soon as they step into their apartment or get back to the office or whatever. You want to be on their minds.
You want them thinking that they have to do more to keep you interested instead of the other way around. Because, well, sooner or later, they’re going to realize they’ve certainly got at least one thing that will keep you interested. And then, well then, my lad, you’re going places.
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