By: Carlos Xuma
The art of conversation is actually one of the easiest to acquire and learn. You don’t have to be a super talkative guy to use these abilities and develop into a stimulating, seductive conversationalist.
Most people feel as if they aren’t able to carry a conversation very well. They’re either too concerned about what kind of impression they are making on the other person, or whether what they’re saying is going to be interesting enough. The unfortunate problem with most conversations is that what most people call ‘listening’ is really just waiting for their turn to talk.
In order to seduce a woman, you must learn a few basic conversation skills. The most important to remember is that women are turned on and attracted to men who they feel really hear them and understand them. When you can communicate a true ability to hear a woman’s words (and you don’t have to agree with her to listen to her), you will stand out as a unique commodity.
Some ways to demonstrate empathy and understanding:
“I think I see what you’re saying. You mean that …” And you repeat back to her – in slightly different words – exactly what she just said. “Did I get that right?” She will say, “Yeah! That’s it, exactly!” And inside she’s feeling more and more rapport with you. Or, after listening to her talk, you pause and nod your head. Then you say, “I see what you mean. You must have felt very (sad/angry/lonely/hurt/whatever).” She will nod and agree with you, and again you’ll suddenly seem closer. Demonstrate that you understand her and see what others do not.
Conversational Bridging
In conversational bridging, you learn how to move from topic to topic, never being afraid that the conversation will fall into one of those deadly “uncomfortable silences.” This is how this skill works.
Let’s say you’ve just introduced yourself to Pam at a bar during happy hour. You’ve managed to start off the conversation with something that she responds to, and now you’re not quite sure where to go. The concept of bridging is that you find something in the last thing she said to trigger your next question. (Remember, you’re the one always asking questions.) So let’s say that the conversation started like this:
You: “I don’t usually come here at the end of the week. It just gets too crowded here.”
Pam: “Yeah, I know what you mean. There’s also too many drunk guys by the end of the night, too.”
You: “Do you have a lot of problems with the drunk guys? Do you end up in Tequila drinking contests with them or something?”
Pam: “Ha-ha! No, I don’t have any problems with them. Only when they start getting really obnoxious.”
You: “What have they done that’s obnoxious?”
Pam: “Oh, you wouldn’t believe it. I was in here last week with my friend, Melody, and this big fat guy comes over and …”
And it could go on like this for quite a while. You use her last statement to feed your next question. As you talk, you’ll find yourself passing by other topic opportunities because you might want to stay on this one. Just store that away for the next chance you get, so that you have some “conversation in reserve.”
You see most guys panic because they’re afraid of running out of things to say. Then, when there’s a lull in the conversation where they probably could say just about anything, they focus on the fact that they aren’t able to think of anything, and how blank their mind is, and how loud this silence is, and how much longer can it go on without saying anything …
Really, your fear of talking to women is just performance anxiety created by your own worries. If you learn this one simple trick, you’ll never feel at a loss for words. You’ll always be able to bridge from topic to topic with ease.
Tease Her
Next, always make your approach a tease of a kind. You want to bust her chops and let her know that you’re not trying to kiss her butt to make her approve of you. Teasing has the affect of exciting her, and deflects her attention from the fact that you’re interested in her for sex.
Her number one concern is that you are ONLY interested in her for sex. Keep the conversations moving in a “one-better” direction. What this means is that you want to keep jacking the energy level of your interaction with her into the flirting and charming territory with every step. You have to keep running with the ball, moving it forward and driving the excitement up.
Here’s an example at a gym, where Joe Studley has just saved Maria’s CD player from falling on the floor (or this could be any other favor, like wiping down the exercise equipment before her).
Joe: “There, you owe me now.”
Maria: “Oh, really? Like what?”
Joe: “Well, what do you think you have that I could want?” (looking very uninterested in her body.)
Maria: “Oh, I’m sure I’ve got something you want.”
Joe: “Nah, I don’t think so. Unless you do engine work. Are you a mechanic by any chance?”
Maria: “Is that all you think I’m good for?” (Puts her hands on her hips)
Joe: “Hey, hold on there, sister. You sound like you’re coming on to me!”
(Smiling and obviously joking.)
Maria: “Not if you’re looking for an auto mechanic.” (Pretending to be hurt.)
Joe: “Now that’s some gratitude for you. I save your music from total destruction and you can’t even give me a kiss on the cheek.”
Maria: “Oh, is that what you want? A kiss?”
Joe: “On second thought, no. You’d probably try to grab my butt. I’m tired of being a sex object. Forget that kiss.”
Maria: “Aren’t you cute.” (She’s starting to run out of steam to compete with
him.)
Joe: “Cute? Girl, I’m damned adorable.”
Maria: “And cocky, too. But I think you’re funny.”
Joe: “Now you’re starting to see the light. Tell you what, give me your phone number, that way when I’m in the area, you can hire me to keep your delicate electronics from suffering a horrible death. Even if you are listening to Christina Aguilera. Deal?”
He hands her a pen and winks. She smiles and jots down her number. Do you see how Joe never backed down from her? He kept up the energy level and made her more and more interested and excited by matching her response with one better, something funny and confident of his own. He never gave her that typical baloney about how beautiful she is, and how fit her body looks. Every moron in the world would have tried to suck up to her that way. Joe knows that you don’t get into a beautiful woman’s pants without challenging her view of you, and that you must keep your behavior different enough that she can’t help but follow you into the seduction.
What will likely happen in the beginning is that a guy will think of one or two quick replies, but he might not be able to come back every time. The trick is to never back down as if she’s beaten you. Instead, when you get to a wall in your ability to banter back and forth and you can’t find something funny to tease her about, you redirect the conversation and stay in control.
Let’s say that Joe couldn’t think of something to reply to her about when she said, “Not if you’re looking for an auto mechanic.” He should fall back on a few prepared lines that still show he’s in the game, but he hasn’t got the time to play. This is what you do if you run out of teasing responses to her.
Here are a few of those responses for Joe’s situation:
- “Well, before I overload you with my wit and charm, I have to get back to working out. Here, write down your phone number so I can give you some exercise tips sometime.”
- OR, “Maybe you like your men greasy, I don’t know. Hey, I hate to walk away when you’re in the middle of flirting with me, but I have to get back to my exercise. What time are you done? Let’s meet up afterwards and you can buy me a Gatorade. Deal?”
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