Who will ever forget the undeniably talented American stand-up comedian, actor, author, Grammy Award winner, Lifetime Achievement Awardees for the 15th Annual American Comedy Awards, and awarded the 11th Annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.
George Denis Patrick Carlin was noted for his black humor as well as his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his “Seven Dirty Words” comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5–4 decision by the justices affirmed the government’s power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.
So here we go the ” Quotations of George Carlin”:
A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.
Always do whatever next.
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
Everything beeps now.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
I couldn’t commit suicide if my life depended on it.
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
If it requires a uniform it’s a worthless endeavor.
In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home.
In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
Religion is just mind control.
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.
The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
When someone is impatient and says, “I haven’t got all day,” I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I agree with you plus it certainly seeing guide number of people.