By: Joseph Plazo
About 75% of the world’s population quivers at the prospect of striking up conversations with a stranger. The reason? Shyness. Shyness can be attributed to cultural factors. Being raised in conservative environments or living in harsh communes makes people timid. Having critical friends and domineering colleagues can further aggravate shyness.
Shyness can also be genetic. There’s a joke that goes:
The gene for shyness has been discovered. Scientists at MIT discovered it hiding behind a set of other genes.
Nevertheless, shyness poses a problem for those who want to persuade.
This malady prevents persuasion by aborting communication. Fortunately, techniques to combat shyness do exist. With constant practice, anyone can learn to “break the ice”, establish rapport, and make new friends. Once you have won trust, you can persuade much more easily. Notice how salesmen always attempt friendship before selling.
The Principle of Liking states that we are more easily persuaded by those whom we like. This chapter concentrates on teaching the essentials of striking up a conversation with perfect strangers, then making a friend out of them. It provides formulas necessary to minimize, then eliminate entirely, shyness.
Remember, to persuade someone, make him your friend first.
Paint a New Self-Image on your
Canvass
Your first problem: discarding that negative image of yourself. Many men and women are critical of themselves. They feel that they are “ugly”, “dull”, “boring”. These devastating thought forms hinder communication!
How can you convince others otherwise if this was your mindset? Paint a much better image of yourself!
Whatever you may feel inside, it is important to project a positive and charming image. Your projected image is the sum total of the appearance and personality by which you are judged by others. Your projected image depends on the way you stand, speak, dress, smile, walk, make eye contact…. You package yourself to others this way; and the more beautiful the package, the more readily accepted it is. The first step to packaging yourself properly comes from your beliefs.
Picture yourself as you want to be and project it forcefully. Believe that you have charm, wit and confidence. Believe that you are attractive, commanding and likeable. Day by day, your inner mental picture will take shape and manifest itself externally. You will become who you picture yourself to be. Eventually no effort will be necessary to maintain this image.
Here are some techniques to bolster your image building efforts. Use smiles like a magic wand to gain trust. Greet people in a friendly way regardless of their attitude towards you. Remember the principle of reciprocity? Smile at others and chances are, they’ll smile back. Frown, and people will snarl back. Take the initiative: smile and be pleasant. In return, you’ll receive wonderful reactions: smiles, laughter, a handshake and perhaps a new friend. Life is a chain of action and reaction. Begin everything with positive action!
Be presentable. Appear kept, neat and tasteful. You can wear simple clothes, but carry yourself with dignity. Stand straight, indulge in eye contact. Move with confidence and a sense of purpose. Act as though you know where you’re going and that you have plans in life. To attract other winners, you must look like a winner.
Be enthusiastic. Brim with life. Look alive and be alive. Make your voice ooze with enthusiasm. Immerse yourself in the situation and enjoy it. People gravitate to exuberant souls. Be poised. Reign in your emotions. Know what you are saying when you say it. Be logical and calculated. Relax. Appear that nothing can faze you.
Ooze charm. Be warm, friendly and sympathetic. At the onset of conversations, try to agree with what your companion says. Minimize criticism. Develop a sense of humor and learn to laugh. Be upbeat! You may have a load of problems, but the world hates to hear about it. Don’t burden your companion with your anxieties. Discuss bright ideas. Shroud yourself in optimism.
Empathize. Put yourself in their shoes. Grasp fully what they may be feeling and thinking. Try to understand why they say what they do and do what they do. Practice this skill regularly and you’ll unlock many closed doors.
It should take about two weeks of constructive image building before you notice positive changes. Don’t fret! The effort pays off in spades. Once you’ve acquired that new image don’t fall back to old habits of fading into the background and being a negative sourpuss. You’ve earned that million dollar image.
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