Are you wondering to yourself – How can I get my ex back? Are you surfing the net right now looking desperately for a plan of attack? Then you have come to the right place. We are going to hit this thing head on and tackle this thing together.
In this time of sadness and perhaps anger and bitterness, you need to make sure that you keep in mind that this did not all happen at once. There was a culmination of things that took place in order to get you where you now stand. And as sad as it may sound, yes you had something to do with your break up. If you want to get your ex back, there is one big thing that you need to do. You have to fix whatever was broken. You need to figure out what went wrong and think about how you got there. By seeing what landed you here, you can start to figure out how you are going to get out of it.
Let’s retrace your steps, much like finding something that was once lost, we are going to look deeper and try to find the love that you and your partner lost. Were you always bickering at each other? Were you constantly yelling at each other? If this was the case then you need to start letting things go and learn how to disagree without having it erupt into World War three.
If the issue is mainly yours then you need to take care of it now before it gets any worse. Just like a friend once told me of his two packs a day smoking habit – “I have to quit smoking yesterday.” What he meant was he knew how bad it was and that he needed to take care of now because it was starting to take a toll on him.
If there is something you need to work on than do it. It is a lot easier to work on ourselves than other people. Let them worry about themselves because you really do not have any control over someone else and the way they act. So take care of what you need to.
Once you do this and start to live it, your ex will definitely start to take notice. It is easier to show someone that you have changed as opposed to telling someone. Changing yourself for the better is a quality that many find attractive. It is a sign of strength and definitely a characteristic of someone that others find to be interesting. Take a look at yourself and put in the work that you need to.
Follow my lead….
Remember that breaking up is not a death sentence. This does not make you a social pariah just because you no longer are with someone or in a relationship. You should look at it as something to learn from. You can take the mistakes you made and learn from it.
One of the most important things to remember is to maintain your social life. Go out and have a good time. Not only will this show them that you are not going to let things get you down, you are showing that you are strong enough to move on and push on forward. A quality that is very attractive to many.
If there is a chance that someone may show interest in you, then go after it. It is one date; it does not mean that you are betrothed to marry this person. Often times, when ex’s see us on the dating scene again, it really shows them what they had. It’s like that saying, you never really know what you have until it’s gone. In this case that will be true.
Another important thing is not to let your appearance suffer because of a break up. This is a big sign that you are getting hit really badly by it. I have seen many women wear the same sweats for days or the same sweater for weeks because of a break up. I have also seen guys go without a shower or shave for days at a time because they were hurting. Nothing is less attractive than seeing someone in this state. And you will definitely not be very attractive to your ex either looking like this.
Here is a quick checklist to get your ex back
There are a lot of things that can go wrong in a relationship. Perhaps one partner cheated on another, maybe there were some unkind words that were said or maybe one partner’s needs were continually going unmet. You may have been dealing with some or none of the above, but what I do know is right now you are really wishing none of it happened. You are trying to figure out how you are going to get your ex back, right? No problem, I have outlined some things for you to do or follow so we can get right back on track and get back to the way things were.
Avoid any contact right now.
If the breakup is fresh, you need some time away. Chances are he or she needs some time as well to think and clear their head.
Think about what caused the breakup.
People who are in a committed loving relationship do not just decide to leave for no reason. You know why they left. Think about what caused all of this and what contributed to it.
Fix whatever needs fixing.
My guess is that there was something that you did that contributed to the break. Perhaps it was something that you did entirely. If it was, then you need to fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed. If they see that you have changed, then it is more likely that they will come back.
Keep working on yourself.
Continue working on you, change is not immediate and takes time. Keep working on whatever you need to. It will pay off in the long run.
Move on with your life.
If you are working or going to school you need to take care of your obligations. Don’t slip into a funk and start calling in sick or missing classes. Moving on with your life is vital to getting your ex back.
Keep your social life active.
It seems that exes tend to see you in a different light after a breakup if you are active in your social life and dating again. They start to see what they were missing. Get out and get going.
What You Should Not Do
Now that we know what we should do, let’s talk about what we should not do. There are a lot of things that you can and should do, but there are also a lot of things that you should not do. Knowing what to avoid doing can make the difference between your ex wanting to work things out or pushing them further away from you.
What not to do:
One thing to avoid is trying to play with their emotions. Don’t use things like your kids or anything you may have over their head as leverage to get them to come back to you. Using methods like manipulation may get them back initially but eventually they will catch on to you. Why is that bad? Well, while you may initially get them back, once they catch on to the things that you are doing, they will likely leave and this time for good. Don’t use childish tricks or antics to get them back. Don’t ruin any chance you have by pushing them further away.
Stating over and over again that you have changed is also another thing that you need to avoid. Actions speak louder than words. Telling someone you have changed, especially when it is done over and over can be quite annoying. Doing things like this will have the other person doubting your sincerity. Stop saying it and start showing it – change that is.
Professing your love repeatedly can also get really annoying. After hurting someone or causing a break up, the last thing that person wants to hear is you saying “I love you” a million times over. The fact remains that if you did love them you would not have hurt them to the point where they wanted to leave. Admit your wrongdoing and do your best to correct it.
One last thing to try and avoid is arguing and telling your ex why you need to reconcile and make your relationship work; these arguments are usually painful to go through, not to mention a waste of time in most occasions. Giving an embittered speech highlighting the reasons why you need to get back together will probably not work. Stop using your mouth muscles and start using your mental muscles to come up with a solid game plan to get your ex back.
A great coach of mine once said, failing to plan is planning to fail. If you want to get your ex back, you need to take the right corrective steps in order to do so. Remember, knowing what to say and do and what not to say and do are essential to you getting your ex back.
This is an article by Harvey.
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