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A Dogs Letter to God

by johnlazy on November 24, 2008

This is a funny short story I got from smile-therapy(dot)com:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle the “Chrysler Beagle”?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him is she still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box, although they are not food.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar

5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose in someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying “hello”.

11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rain water out of my fur before entering the house.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

And, finally my last question:

Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Roy November 24, 2008 at 10:03 am

nice one!

another one for my collections ;)

2 johnlazy November 24, 2008 at 10:58 am

Hehehehehehehehe I love it! Thanks for droppin by Sir Roy.

3 Indrayani November 24, 2008 at 10:04 pm

That is sooooooo cute! :)

4 johnlazy November 24, 2008 at 10:07 pm

Yap Indrayani, it is really a cute funny short story Take care!

5 katcarneo November 24, 2008 at 10:56 pm

oh, poor doggies.this is funny!

6 johnlazy November 25, 2008 at 12:10 am

Thanks for droppin by katcarneo yap this is a funny dog Take care!

7 custom dissertation June 10, 2010 at 6:47 am

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